Paris

I spent the last week in Paris, at a funny little hotel off the Place St Micheal. It was my first time away from my family since I had my youngest child about a year ago and I really felt like I found something of the person I thought had disappered. I missed my partner and kids, but not as much as I thought I would, and I was so much more able to look after myself than I thought I would be able to. Just before going I was so nervous, I checked the train route to my hotel obsessively, a complete contrast to my attitude before I got pregnant, where I would just turn up and absolutely trust my own ability to get myself where I wanted to be. I really felt frightened by the prospect of having no one but myself to rely on. It is inexpressibly awful to feel so ineffectual, for me. However, it seems that out of this environment I am able to transform back into that person, the person who I was before whatever turned me into this person (it was not a simple process, PPD my relationship, my kids, my home, my job all played their part)